When it comes to talking about and exploring sex, we’ve travelled lightyears ahead of where things used to be. Gender roles are changing – activities that were once reserved for some are now being had by all.
Take bottoming or ‘pegging’ for example. Essentially, pegging refers to a female using a strap-on dildo to penetrate her male counterpart. And it appears that straight men the world over are embracing this sexual act in their heterosexual hijinks.
Even though pegging is growing in popularity (and you may hear whispers of it in your friendship circles), it’s still a taboo topic.
There still exists a lot of stigma around sexuality, despite a lot of the pleasure and joy pegging can bring to everyone involved!
So, what makes pegging so alluring?
No matter how you identify yourself, there’s a whole world of wonderful sensations hidden in the anal area to be found in the abundant nerve endings. Females can tap into another level of indirect stimulation via the clitoris (by accessing it from another angle). While males can enjoy a direct path to the coveted ‘p-spot’ (aka the male g-spot), a mere 2 inches into the anus.
The best part? Nerve endings aren’t defined by a gender or sexual identity, so it’s ‘game on’ for anyone who’s willing and able to explore!
If you’re curious, say so
A healthy sex life is built on open and clear communication of your needs and wants, so when we share our feelings about sex, it paves the way for fun and connection.
Pleasure takes many forms
Trying something new – whether it’s an activity or even a new toy from your local adult shop – can unearth all kinds of unexpected sensations, both physical and emotional. Pegging changes the way males and females relate to one another during sex by switching the traditional gender roles. As women can become more dominant by pegging, heterosexual men can experience more vulnerability as they discover different ways to orgasm, like via their prostate because of the anal stimulation.
Experimenting with a partner you trust gives you the opportunity to play and connect in new and meaningful ways. Pegging isn’t reserved for those who are super kinky either – penetrating a sexual partner while wearing a strap-on dildo is something anyone can try.
And who knows, you might just unlock your best sex yet!
When the mood strikes, a little foreplay can go a long, long way (especially if you invest twice as much time ‘warming up’ as you think you need).
“It’s true… foreplay can help partners feel closer and more intimate, which ultimately leads to both parties feeling more aroused”, says Indiana University’s director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion, Debra Herbenick, PhD, MPH.
But we’re excited about what happens once once the main event is over, and the sex toys and lube have played their part.
Have you ever lingered longer with ‘afterplay’?
As the name suggests, afterplay kicks in but moments after sex. With your bodies still vibing and highly sensitive, it’s the time when physical intimacy is at its peak, perhaps making afterplay one of the most underestimated parts of any couple’s sexy adventures.
Where foreplay gets your blood pumping, afterplay can cement and deepen the connection. Lasting for minutes or stretching long into the night, afterplay is your opportunity to bask in your partner’s glow (and get a little more TLC while you’re at it).
Afterplay activities you can try
Think of afterplay as a ‘cool down’ – foreplay is the warm up and sex is high intensity training. So when it comes time to wind down, you might like to:
- Circle your fingers or nails around on your partner’s back.
- Take a bubble bath or long, hot shower together (you could even bring sex toys for good measure).
- Spend time kissing or canoodling.
- Freshen up with SKYN® wipes.
Whatever you decide to do, chances are it’s going to feel amazing because of how sensitive and dialed in you’ll both be after sex. This is backed up by science.
Participants in a 2014 study revealed that when they engage in afterplay their sexual satisfaction increased, which was also found to be very important for couples who had kids1 (because, as you might imagine, physical intimacy can be harder to steal with little ones running around).
Remember: don’t skip afterplay!
Foreplay often leads to great sex and afterplay has the potential to take you to a deeper, more emotionally fulfilling connection. And just like the circle of life, you may even end up right back where you started – enjoying more foreplay…
We all have our own little secrets, especially when it comes to what we’re afraid of or embarrassed to reveal. None are often more taboo than our sexual fantasies – role playing, bondage, sex toys… the list can be quite long.
Whether you think you’re kinky or not, chances are there’s a whole slew of sexual fantasies living rent-free in your mind. There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of – it’s normal to have desires that might make someone else blush. And to help you move past any lingering fear, here are five tips you can use to let your partner know what you’ve been fantasising about.
1. It’s all about presence.
Talking about your sexual fantasies might not be the kind of conversation that comes up often, or at all. So make sure you have a good idea of what you’d like to put on the table before you sit your partner down to chat. They’ll likely have questions and get curious, so try not to be on the defensive and welcome the discussion with an open heart and clear head.
2. Get cosy, be flirty and have fun
Sharing your secret sexual fantasies doesn’t have to be awkward or feel ‘corporate’. Snuggle up on the couch, relax in a bath together and use it as an opportunity to calm everyone’s nerves so you avoid any hidden triggers. ‘Fun and flirty’ can be your mantra as you talk about inclusive scenarios that you’ve imagined for the two of you. It’s not about dissatisfaction with the status quo either, but about dialing up the desire!
3. But remember: it’s not JUST about you.
There are so many ways your fantasies can be brought to life. Even suggesting you try using sex lubricant might open the door to more possibilities. And while you might know exactly what gets your goat, your partner might not be as forthcoming. You could do a little pre-reading and brush on what fantasies are most common, but the important thing is to…
4. Keep your mind open!
They’re probably feeling just as nervous and vulnerable as you are, so be positive and ditch the judgment – the last thing you’d want is for your partner’s feelings to get hurt in the process.
5. If you’re still anxious, try gamifying it!
Still finding it difficult to open up? Try this: write down your most desired fantasies onto bits of paper and put both yours and your partner’s ideas into a hat. Take turns pulling them out one by one and entertaining them. Who knows, it might turn you on so much that you can’t help but make that fantasy a reality right away.
Not all sexual fantasies need to be brought to life, they can remain in your mind.
“Many people like to keep them just as a fantasy but sharing it with your partner and possibly talking about it erotically during sex can really spice things up,” Miranda Christophers, sex and relationship therapist, explains.
So make your next sexcapade a memorable one. Explore SKYN®’s range of condoms, sex lubricant and sex toys for inspiration!
Rise of technology addiction
Have you ever wondered why masturbation is mostly seen as a male thing?When it comes to masturbation dedication, young men and boys are known to have a proclivity for it. There’s even masculinised euphemisms like ‘playing pocket pinball’, ‘waxing the carrot’ and ‘the old rub and tug’. For women, there’s ‘flicking the bean’ – but that’s where it ends.
This is because gender-related stereotypes have long censored female pleasure.
To unpack these stereotypes, we’ve explored several recent studies.
Self-pleasure in equal measures
A new study from the Journal of Sex Research suggests that cis-gendered young men and women (aged 18 to 22) have similar self-pleasure habits.
The average male begins masturbating at the age of 12, while females start at age 13.
Of the 1,452 males surveyed, 95.4% admitted to using fantasies while masturbating.
Of the 1,566 females surveyed, 86.8% admitted to using fantasies while masturbating.
But what about outside of the study – not just young people? On average, men masturbate 3x more than women across all age groups. We call this ‘the orgasm gap.’ So the disparity still exists – it’s just not as broad as society might have us believe.
Females don’t need sex toys to get off
(but they’re nice to have)
The same study also busted the myth that females need toys to get off.
That said, women do reach for sex toys more often than their male counterparts, with 8% of female respondents bringing their favourite toys to bed for solo purposes.
Bridging the orgasm gap
Thanks to the rise of female liberation, the adult toy industry is now valued at $57b – and it’s all thanks to the vagina economy. Sexologists say women who are unsatisfied with their sex lives are creating unprecedented demand for better quality sex toys and more of them. It’s important to remember, this isn’t the case in every country. Many women are less privileged – and like all good things, self-pleasure is a privilege.
Sweden, for example, ranks first in the EU on the Gender Equality Index. A recent local study found that Swedish men and women masturbated almost just as frequently. This is testament to the nation’s reduced stigma around female pleasure and progressive social norms. The Swedes even have a word for female masturbation: “klittra” (it was added to the Swedish Language Council’s new word list of 2015).
Everyone deserves to feel everything
When we experience an orgasm, happy hormones and brain chemicals like oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins are released. These don’t just provide sexual pleasure – some scientists say they can reduce anxiety and stress, reduce physical pain, boost the immune system and even stimulate the libido. Shouldn’t women get to experience these benefits, too?
In summary, the day we achieve pleasure parity will be a good day for everyone. But today, we have work to do – destigmatising female pleasure and educating ourselves on the negative effect of patriarchal norms.
We must empower people with the tools they need to embrace pleasure and discover themselves sexually, in order to live their best lives. It’s not just about sex toys; confidence comes with communication and an unwavering commitment to consent.
To start your self-pleasure journey, explore SKYN®’s growing range of personal lubricants and quality sex toys for women.
- What brings people closer than having sex?
“It’s true… foreplay can help partners feel closer and more intimate, which ultimately leads to both parties feeling more aroused”, says Debra Herbenick, PhD, MPH, director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University in Bloomington.
And there’s only one rule: however long you think you should be spending on foreplay… it’s always best to multiply by at least two.
So, we’ve done some polling and compiled a list of personal tips, describing different types of foreplay that has brought people closer to their partners…❤
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1. Don’t neglect the obvious
“Communication is key. I honestly think there’s nothing sexier than a guy who looks me straight in the eyes and asks me what I want him to do to me.
It sounds kind of obvious, (and it really is), but you’d be surprised how rarely that happens. I could never understand why someone would try and guess what feels good for me, when — I’m sitting right there! For me, the best foreplay always starts with a conversation about what turns me on.”
— Ryan, 30
2. Take it slow
“Especially when I haven’t seen my girlfriend in a while, it’s very tempting to just get right to the main event. But what I love even more, is when she’s begging for it. I really take my time when I’m going down on her and love watching her freak out.
The extra attention means that she’s closer to coming, if she hasn’t already. And it’s less pressure on me to last forever. I never have to worry about finishing before she does.”
— Alessandro, 32
“I go crazy when my girlfriend does anything to my ears. Light kisses, nibbling, licking—really anything. And then when she brings it down a little further to the neck— it’s all over. My body’s already in a full spasm.”
— Nicolette, 24
4. Don’t fear the vibe
“I’m going to be honest… I was a little shy about breaking out my vibrator in front of my boyfriend. But once I got over it, I loved driving him crazy while he watched me use it on myself. I also love when he reaches around during sex and holds it against me, but that’s for another article. My all-time favorite is the SKYN Vibes Personal Massager”
— Helena, 67
5. Take it outside
“There’s nothing sexier than a little PDA dragged out over an entire day. Everything from making-out on the street to touching my guy over his pants at the restaurant— is very underrated. One thing he’ll do that makes me insane… is lean in and whisper in my ear how badly he wants me when we’re in a very public place. It pretty much makes me get instantly wet, and really heightens the anticipation until we get home.”
— Sofia, 45
6. Just add water
“I once read that touching your partner’s breasts lowers stress levels by 70% — and I couldn’t agree more. After a long day, my favorite thing is showering together. Especially after a particularly stressful day at work — to just wash the day off, get clean and relax together. And then if it ends up going further, there’s always lube.”
— Nicolas, 27
“The sexiest thing my partner does, is how they take their time touching me. It’s almost like a light tickle up and down my entire body. Once they start stimulating me with their fingers and then it’s all over. The attention alone is such a turn-on and always puts me in the mood, even if I wasn’t to begin with.”
— Rae, 18
“My boyfriend’s hands are so strong, and he gives the best foot rubs. The slower, the better…and I know he likes watching my reactions. It’s the ultimate combination of foreplay and physical therapy.”
— Noa, 33
9. Play with my hair
“Ok, there’s definitely a ‘right’ way to tug on your partner’s hair…but when it’s right, there’s nothing hotter. It’s best when your grip is firm and as close to the root as possible, away from the face. What’s great is that this can really be done at any time— while kissing their neck, whispering in their ear and of course, during sex.”
— Quinn, 45
10. Nips over everything
“I’ll never forget the first time my boyfriend took the bed sheet, held it up to my chest and kissed my nipples through it. The sensation of his lips over the fabric was incredible and now I ask him to do it all the time…”
— Chloé, 21